Thanks both for the kind words and the Q. Appreciate 'em both.
Interrogating without leading/contriving has meant 3 things for me:
1. Not intellectualising my feelings right away. I’m a chronic “oh I feel [x], that means a, b, c and here’s what I can do about that” guy. So, step one has been to let a feeling flow a bit. That leads to:
2. Just letting the feeling do its thing without naming, judging, or categorising it right away. This is a big ol’ topic but here’s the classic metaphor: “Imagine your mind is a stream and all your thoughts and feelings are leaves floating along for you to observe. If you don’t disturb them, they’ll float on by. If you try to catch one, you’ll disturb the flow.”
So, by practicing just observing my feelings, I’ve gotten a bit better at letting those feelings just be. If they drift off, cool. If they stick around and become something I need to attend to (by observing them in a bit more detail), also cool.
This boils down to “is this something that’s actually annoying me or am I just hungry?” more often than I’d like to admit.
3. Expanding my feeling dictionary and thesaurus. Despite being a literal writer, I’ve had a pretty limited vocab for my own feelings. This didn’t really start to change until I got into the mood tracking feature on my iPhone. Throughout the day, it prompts me to enter how I’m feeling (from “very unpleasant” to “very pleasant”) and then asks me describe the feeling using big ol’ list of words.
That’s helped me get a bit more granular about whatever it is I’m feeling – and encouraged me to pause and reflect rather than just saying “good”, “fine”, “eh”, or “tired”.
I’m a big “words shape the way you live” guy* so this has been useful in learning to be more specific when addressing a feeling (when it’s time to do so).
Sorry for the long answer. Buuuut it’s an interesting (and great) question and something I’m still working on. So this has been a great prompt to reflect on how this little goal of mine is going.
Great answers and appreciate pointing to the deep dive on naming experiences. Funny I was just listening to Jon Batiste (gifted musician and inspiring human) mention how he didn’t speak until he was 10 and (maybe consequently) doesn’t remember much before he spoke. Great interview all around - on the Tim Ferriss podcast. I don’t want to spoil it but the first question/answer hooked me and I get a feeling might do the same for you.
Beautifully said and curated.
“It meant taking the time to understand how I feel.” How do you interrogate feelings without leading or contriving them?
Thanks both for the kind words and the Q. Appreciate 'em both.
Interrogating without leading/contriving has meant 3 things for me:
1. Not intellectualising my feelings right away. I’m a chronic “oh I feel [x], that means a, b, c and here’s what I can do about that” guy. So, step one has been to let a feeling flow a bit. That leads to:
2. Just letting the feeling do its thing without naming, judging, or categorising it right away. This is a big ol’ topic but here’s the classic metaphor: “Imagine your mind is a stream and all your thoughts and feelings are leaves floating along for you to observe. If you don’t disturb them, they’ll float on by. If you try to catch one, you’ll disturb the flow.”
So, by practicing just observing my feelings, I’ve gotten a bit better at letting those feelings just be. If they drift off, cool. If they stick around and become something I need to attend to (by observing them in a bit more detail), also cool.
This boils down to “is this something that’s actually annoying me or am I just hungry?” more often than I’d like to admit.
3. Expanding my feeling dictionary and thesaurus. Despite being a literal writer, I’ve had a pretty limited vocab for my own feelings. This didn’t really start to change until I got into the mood tracking feature on my iPhone. Throughout the day, it prompts me to enter how I’m feeling (from “very unpleasant” to “very pleasant”) and then asks me describe the feeling using big ol’ list of words.
That’s helped me get a bit more granular about whatever it is I’m feeling – and encouraged me to pause and reflect rather than just saying “good”, “fine”, “eh”, or “tired”.
I’m a big “words shape the way you live” guy* so this has been useful in learning to be more specific when addressing a feeling (when it’s time to do so).
Sorry for the long answer. Buuuut it’s an interesting (and great) question and something I’m still working on. So this has been a great prompt to reflect on how this little goal of mine is going.
—
* See this other thing I wrote if you’re interest about _that_ whole deal: https://www.unzen.co/p/the-way-you-describe-your-life-will
Great answers and appreciate pointing to the deep dive on naming experiences. Funny I was just listening to Jon Batiste (gifted musician and inspiring human) mention how he didn’t speak until he was 10 and (maybe consequently) doesn’t remember much before he spoke. Great interview all around - on the Tim Ferriss podcast. I don’t want to spoil it but the first question/answer hooked me and I get a feeling might do the same for you.